I had an interesting conversation last night with Jesus.. It will be no surprise to all of you that I am a human. Obvious isn’t it? But sometimes I believe that we forget that our neighbour is a human. We expect, gossip, judge, push, idolize and compliment people as if they are an object.. Something with no past, no future and no feelings. Due to Social-Media, Reality T.V and just plain old consumerism we have come to a place where our lives are a public display to people. Stuff that is not really important ,became important. Stigmas and trends became the back drop of our lives instead of love and relationships.

I was labeled as sensitive. You are too sensitive Linda.  And being sensitive became my insecurity.. then the accusations ( which was disguised as discipline ) became that I am insecure. Seldom did I hear, Linda you are ok. Just be. I was “edited” the whole time by church, society, sport and even friends. We have these high expectations that we place on ourselves to be perfect, naturally we reflect those expectations on other people around us and that is how we judge people and societies. Why?

This past week, since my previous blog, I was in a couple of interesting situations and conversations. This led to my chat with Jesus last night. To understand why  I write about this you have to understand my background. I was insecure all my life.. Because I tried to be perfect as society  expected me to be. My insecurity originated because I knew that I did not make the cut.

I am tall, but I slouch my shoulders. When I was ten years old, a random woman, who I did not know, told me that I am beautifully tall and if I slouch I am ugly. It was meant to be an encouragement but had the backward effect. What did I do? Because I received the message that I am not perfect, I started to hide.. in my beautifully broad shoulders… { slouched more }

Since I was young I could detect pretense. I do not like it. I do not like fitting in the mold, but this whole world is build into molds. Expectations, requirements and fashion started to identify people and started to group them. And the message of that you are already perfect is not being heard.

This past week I was in a couple of interesting conversation where all these stigma’s was almost highlighted.. and with all honesty, us Christians are the biggest culprits. We have boxed and pretend to show the world that we have the good news. Yet, I have loads of unsaved friends and saved friends and honestly sometimes my “unsaved” friends seem more happy? Why? We pretend because we heard that we must be in the Image of God. We strive and work our heads off to show the world that we are the answer.. And the world looks at us and smells pretense and say ” No Thank You. ” I know, I was there . That is what led to my conversation with Jesus last night.

I heard last night that you do not make a decision out fear. Yes, that is true… but while I was listening to this conversation my heart screamed, My Daddy is bigger than fear. Even if you make the biggest decision of your life out of fear , My God is on the other side. He knows. He is there. It is like people getting hurt in church and then they actually want to speak to leaders about it and the leaders tell them “well, we can’t believe everything you say now, because you are hurting. ” Ok, so please help me understand, when I cut my finger my body says “ouchie!!”, my mind immediately says ” where? Tell me more?  I want to help!” I then jump into action and get a plaster. For the rest of the healing process of my finger I relieve all the duties on the finger that will put strain on it. I nurture my finger until it is healthy again and then bring it back into action. I do not cut myself and then say ” be quiet, you are hurting, so you can’t be accurate. ” Why do we do that to each other?

This spreads into so much more areas than just church. I recently heard of a friend whose mom doesn’t want to speak to her anymore because of the husband she married. { the only reason for this was because the husband she married is not wealthy. He is one awesome guy otherwise and really looks after her.. and she is happy .( and they do not struggle financially)} Please help me understand. What does this communicate. You as a human are not good enough, I have to edit you to make you acceptable to me.

This all we reflect on God. We think God has these high expectations and we strive to please Him. We push and judge and get discouraged because we do not reach the goal.  I was exactly in the same position. Until God came and explained to me the message of the cross, the finished work of the cross, the glorious gospel. My life changed. I realized that I am accepted, loved and celebrated. My God is a Daddy, Who will never reject me if I get hurt in church, marry the “wrong” husband or slouch my beautiful broad shoulders. He doesn’t get angry when I make a decision out of fear or anger. Like the prodigal son, who made selfish decisions, God welcomes me back and celebrated my return. It is the Goodness of God that draws us to repentance. It is for freedom’s sake that He has set us free. I am free to do what ever I want. I have met this beautiful God and want to spend my life in Union with Him. But He doesn’t force me to stay. I stay because of love and even if I go, He will follow me and will welcome me back, because He said I have made peace with mankind for once and for all on the cross.

Last night I heard I was not radical enough. I wanted to scream, i am.. but then realized who cares? if I stay in my house and just love my hubby and my pups I am happy. The God of all creation celebrates me in this house. I am content. So if I am not radical enough it is ok. I am linda. I am loved. When you know you are loved you are unstoppable.

My heart is for us all to take a deep breath and just be. You are ok.. Yes you will grow in the understanding of you are, but you were created fearfully and wonderfully. No one tells Stoffel how to love me. No one tells him that a good husband does this and this, yet naturally he is a brilliant husband to me. This is all because of Love. So much more your relationship regarding your relationship with God. He loves you, naturally He has the best for you because of love. You do not have to be perfect to be in union with Him. He made the way. Just be and breath and enjoy!


One thought on “Why?

  1. wow Linda, this is powerful! i can identify on so many levels. yes, it’s only our Daddy God that removes the “not wanted” and replaces it with His perfect love.

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