Yesterday Hub Hub and I sat in our new home, at our dining table, in the sun and drank tea. It was the perfect moment, we had chocolate and we spoke about Jesus. I love my husband for this, I love to hear what he thinks about Jesus. His revelations and relationship with our God inspires me.
Stoffel asked me how I became a worshipper. I love worship, my whole body comes into peace when I worship. I loose track of time, my environment and every little stress when I worship. I had to think a little about when exactly I became a worshipper. We always sing songs in church and we know we should worship God. Worship has been, for many years, a “must” in my life, a good Christian discipline. My switch from worshipping to become a worshipper happened in a church service during,well, worship. I stood and sang the songs, eyes closed, hands lifted, when all of a sudden I had a vision. I saw me as God sees me. Volmaak is the afrikaans word. I saw me perfect. In the vision, I looked down at my own body and saw perfection, health and peace. And my whole body was glowing. My spirit knew that this is because of Jesus and what He did for me on the cross. That image stuck with me and worship became a expression of thankfulness and of sharing my soul and spirit with the One that created me perfectly.
I said to Stoffel that it is so difficult to explain to people what you experience during a vision like that. You might read it at this moment, and have no clue what life altering moment happened in my life. In that moment I walked free from insecurity and fear that gripped me daily. My eyes became set on one thing, my passion caught a flame.All my disciplines became expressions of hunger to know this God. To know Who He is and exactly what He did for me on the cross. I am an absolute Jesus Junkie.
This brings me to my title of this post. Like any other human , I struggle with stuff and I am not a very disciplined person. I am too happy go lucky and impulsive for that! 🙂 So my moments of walking free of stuff happens in worship when I look to Jesus. I have come to realize that the biggest thing that keeps me in bondage is normally birthed in fear. To hand over control of my life to an all consuming love, crazy God is the biggest moment of liberty. I trust Him with my life and I have never been disappointed.
As I journey with God my life becomes pillars of testimonies that set my heart back into a place of peace. Like for instance, I was in a couple of car accidents and had a huge fear of death. I used to get so scared when I would climb into a car. I always wanted to drive to be able to stay in control. In moments of worship I started to pin down that my fear has not much to do with being in an accident but more to do with death. Slowly Jesus started to show me His view of death. Over this last two weeks I was on holiday and we drove a lot. It wasn’t my car and I had to sit in the back very often. Couple of times I caught myself praying in the back as I saw us speeding around on gravel roads. In one of those moments, I looked out of the window and started to worship silently, desperate to stabilize my fear. The next moment Jesus gave me, through scriptures running through my mind, His view on death and I could feel the fear lose its grip. As I said, it is liberating to hand over your life into a the hands of a loving God.
That testimony became a pillar in my life and you can ask my hubby, I became way more at peace and less of a backseat driver since then!
It is for freedom sake that Christ has set us free. It is our choice to take the stand in that promise.