Today I realized that I am a writer.. It is a very crazy day with my family coming to visit this silly Cape where the winter has decided to stay. I have to get their summer ( the irony) home ready and between me, Pat and Ronnie, we are busy. Since I am freelance photographer I determine my own schedule, like right now, I have Lightroom open and is busy with the most beautiful wedding, but thoughts are running through all the events of today. Me, driving up and down in my very practical but not funky according to one particular Stellenbosch mom, Verso,created a lot of entertainment. ( I once had a scooter in the back of my car just after I dropped a freezer off, dear funky Stellebosch mom! ) I watch people along the road and in the shop and I realized I have become a observer of life. I want to document it! Hence my photography business and now apparently my writing. I have been blogging about my recent life events and if most of you can skip through my grammar as well spelling mistakes, you would have noticed that I was/am sick.
Today, as I was driving, I caught a glimpse of my thoughts and realized, I am at peace. Through all the recent events, my life has become decluttered. ( If that is a word). Besides the practical side of it, ( I have deleted 200 facebook friends) the emotional side is what is refreshing. As I was driving to pick up dear Ronnie and Pat from my aunt’s house, I burst out laughing. I had a look at myself in the mirror and realized if dear funky mom from Stellenbosch didn’t like my car, she would definitely not like my outfit. Mismatch was an understatement. I have a green buff in my hair, a pair of skinny jeans that over night became a pair of baggy jeans and a very old blue ,way to big jersey. I looked like a “Boskind” . But I am happy,because I am alive. This feeling is not the similar feeling as when you finally summit a beautiful mountain and you are high on happy hormones due to the hike and met with a beautiful view. That too is something spectacular , No, this feeling is found in the midst of being on treatment and going for regular check ups and finding peace with what you have and who you are. Funny enough, it includes the materialistic things as well as the precious relationships in my life.
On Sunday I was crying my eyes out on my hubby’s lap, being consumed with everyday checks with this illness. Did I take my meds, do I still have enough, did I take it on time. Just to wake up the next morning with breakfast in bed from the same man, with the answer: “Drink your pills, you still have enough, I have ticked your intake, here is some water.” Today it dawned on me that once again this unbelievable God is changing this very hard journey into that of a praise report, for no other reason than just love for me. I wasn’t miraculously healed when people prayed for me. I still trust for it, though.That doesn’t mean that God has planned this illness for me to learn or to built my character, no, God who is Good cannot and will not ever give sickness to teach us something. He cannot give something that He doesn’t have. After this last month I can say with all certainty that any kind of illness is evil. God doesn’t have evil in Him, so He can’t give it away. But even though I still have to take my pills, I can feel Him restoring and somehow He is revealing more of my wonderful nature as a human to me. Like my value. As a human, we are created to be healthy. That is a value that has been added and redeemed for us at the cross. We don’t have to walk around shy face and be all fake humble by saying: ” I am healthy by God’s grace.” Yes, you are!!! No need to hide it! Work with it! Treasure it, enjoy it!! For instance,I have to eat very healthy now, I have always watched what I ate, but for the wrong reasons.. I wanted to be skinny and pretty and was almost like a snob about my food.( Us girls do that. We will be amongst friends at a party and eat less cake than our neighbor. Then we will proudly put down the plate with the half eaten cake and say something profound like: “Urgh, I can’t anymore.” Eat the cake. It is heaven on a small plate! )Food became something I wanted to impress people with, but now, I am thankful for that red apple that does its function and detox my body. I am thankful for that glass of water flushes all the toxins away. I need to nurture my body for it to fight.
Same with exercise. It is by God’s Grace that we can exercise.. again not this humble I can run up a mountain by His Grace! No!! You can RUN up a mountain because He wants you too and you are enabled to!! So go for it! Don’t exercise because it is the right thing to do.. exercise because it brings so much joy… My husband runs up the mountain behind my house. The joy my dogs experience running after him is infectious. I can’t run after them, but to watch them is enough!
Lastly, People…. Enjoy them. Instead of getting anxious in long rows, watch and learn. I have learned so much by my visits to the clinic. I see all kinds of people and what brings them joy. Impatience not only steals peace but also experiences. Today Ronnie came to work with his bicycle. He is from Zimbabwe and looking at the bike he rides, you can see it was a huge blessing to him when someone gave it to him. He enjoys his bike so much. So we had to drive back to my house and he joked and said he is going to race me. The wind is howling in Hermanus. If I was the impatient me, I would have missed this moment of playfulness that we all so desperately need in our day. So I raced him. He lost, but still it was so entertaining.
I think children bring the same kind of joy. I don’t have any and won’t be able to fall pregnant in the next couple of years due to treatment, but to all the moms and dads out there, put away the laptop, iphone and switch of the TV and race your kid. I know you want to unwind after a busy day, but I can only think to connect and play with a child, listening to their giggles and stories, will make you unwind very quickly. Yes, having children is a big responsibility, but in comparison with the joy it brings who is measuring the responsibility?Again,this is another grace of God that was meant for us to enjoy. In conclusion regarding my thoughts, this journey is definitely not something I wish upon my worst enemy. But I am thankful for the fruit that it is bearing. I am thankful that at this young age, I am tasting what life is all about.
I read this article this morning about us Y generation, here is the link to the article, and I realized we became chasers of success and sort of placed our joy in something that can fade away. Again, I don’t want to sound like that materialistic things is a big no no, BUT, our lives were created to bring about joy and humor in ourselves and for those around us. I am learning to live it that way and in a way I can say that I am humbled by this illness, yet I am so thankful for what I see now. Thank you to all my friends praying for me, checking in with me and being patient with me. ( I totally forgot to meet a friend for coffee today.. that is where patience is needed and she had plenty!) I know I will have my bad days, but I know they will be few and far between..