These last couple of months, something was bothering me fiercely. I first took note of it just before we left for our holiday. During my holiday time I prayed about what exactly it is thats bothering me.At first I thought it just might be a sign of how tired I was, but after coming back rested from our holiday, it was still there, scratching just underneath the surface.
I then thought maybe it is all the changes that we were going through at that moment. Buying new cars and a house, moving. Big stuff.Yet, after the dust has settled, it was still there, irritating me tremendously and I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Yesterday morning I was restless. Mondays are my off days and I spend it doing odd stuff and chatting to God.
I was laying on the couch watching the clouds go by when He answered: “You know two worlds and it has created a tension in you.”
At Bethel I learned that tension is a good thing. It stretches you and makes you stronger and just at the right moment balance steps in. So when God answered my restlessness I knew balance is around the corner.
Let me back track:
My profession is that of being a wedding photographer. I am weary to say that I am a wedding photographer because one thing that God has taught me is that what you do, does not determine who you are.
My job exposes me to a dream that becomes a reality. I love weddings because I love being married. I just love photographing the couple’s first moments of being husband and wife. It blesses me tremendiously. It is the perfect day with so much hope,love and warm fuzzy feelings. Every couple I embrace with love and tears because I see them as one.
On the flip side, about a year ago, my world suddenly got dark and I stepped into the other world of TB. A killer amongst us stealing life,hope and joy. I became part of the poorest people sitting in the same waiting room, my hope in the fact that there is medicine for me and I will receive proper care. I wasn’t a missionary full of faith praying for those that were hopeless in their circumstances.
I am funny like that, when something impacts me, it becomes my passion and this past Saturday I photographed a different scenario than what I usually do. I went into a rehabilitation center and photographed people with masks on the prevent others from getting TB. Hard life. Real. No dreams.Only nightmares that has become a reality.
And this is my tension. I see both worlds very regularly. I see the joy and love and hope in the one, and I see the brokenness in the other.
And I see one Loving God.
I do not have the answer, but tension is everywhere and God is in both worlds. He is with the broken ones in Israel, as much as He is with my friend who just had a new baby. He is with the daughter next to her dad’s grave, just as much as He is with the couple with the keys to their first house. He is with a mum begging for money for her family to survive, just as much as He is with the Dad with his hand on his son’s shoulder at graduation day.
He is with us.
The Hope, the Joy, the Love, the Comforter, the Protecter,the Provider, the Friend, the Wisdom,the Father. the Son is with us.