Why I left ministry..

I sometimes wish I can  describe in words the atmosphere that reigns in our home. My hubby is a love junkie and carries peace like I have seen no other person carry. I am a “loskop” crazy, creative that responds with drama and flair to my emotions. The combination of us two creates a vibey , atmosphere filled with love.

Tonight is no different.

He is busy studying and I am editing. To help us focus, we have worship music playing.I respond the exact opposite than my husband when I hear worship music. He becomes peaceful and I loose my mind. The Spirit of God becomes tangible in my presence and I just can’t  keep it in. I have to praise Him. Not the ideal reaction to have when your man is trying to study. But perfect when you want to have a ball of a time!

So I decided to pop the earphones in my ears and listen to the same worship music and blog my thoughts.

Tonight I want to write about my observations I have made these last couple of weeks. If you follow me on Facebook you will know that I love to observe people and just by watching, I see the strangest things. We humans are indeed funny creatures! I observe everything in my world. How people respond to me, my hubby, my life and God.

Let me back track:

In my early twenties, { I can say early twenties now because I am turning 31 in 3 weeks time} I felt the call to go into ministry. Noble, I know. 🙂 I have never really blogged about my time during ministry because I never had the words to describe that season. It was thrilling and I learned so much, yet I never in my life ever want to work for a church again. Now, you just read that sentence and through my observations of people over the years, I learned that you maybe had one of a couple of reactions and it is those reactions I want to write about.

The first reaction is : ” Oh, shame, she got badly hurt and now she is antichurch.Maybe not good to read any further because her bitterness will ruin you.”

or : ” What?! She is against church ? Oh, I love this… See, I knew that the church system ruins lives.”

or: ” Mental note, please remember not to swear in front of Linda next time you see her, she is a Christian and was a pastor!” followed by a blush face as you remember all the times you sweared in front of me.. 🙂

So let me just say this : Yes, I was in ministry and I loved it. Yes, I did get badly hurt but as with all things that hurt,healing is available for it and I did receive it.And no, I am not antichurch, I will never be.. And you may talk anyway you want in front of me.. really. I love people!

The thing that I wondered about tonight, after a week of being “evangelised” or as I call it “churchised” { We christians evangelise by inviting people to our church’s bible school or church service} is: am I less loved by God if I do not go to church or Bible school that I was just invited to? I know the answer is no, but then my next question is, does the person know who invited me to church or bible school that I am not less loved because I said no? My observation instincts kicking in.. 😉

This is what I have learned through my brokeness during being part of a church system: He loves. He cares, we might be judged because we did not meet the standard,not only by others but also by ourselves, but we were never and will never be judged by Him.

I can write freely about this because I have judged before. I responded to the world as if Christianity is the ultimate status and that you only receive the certificate of being a perfect christian after you have lived an odd number of years as this holy being. I remember how I wished to be “saved” for ten years. Wow, I thought, imagine how close I will be to God if I walked ten years with Him. I passed my 12year mark and didn’t even notice it.

When I was broken I learned that He loves, doesn’t matter my status as the most “holiest performance Christian” or a broken girl filled with bitterness. He loves. And that made me realise, doesn’t matter the church we go to or not, where we come from or what we believe, He loves us.

Nothing we can do about that.

As Romans 5:10 says: “For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.”

His grace is what saved us. He, who humbled Himself to walk amongst the ones He loves with His whole heart, is what matters.

My desire for anyone reading my blog is to get to know Him. He is worth it.

And yes, this is where church plays her role, she helps you to get to know Him and she is filled with people just like you, being on this journey of life , seeking Him. Not perfect, but loved.

 

p.s I might have left ministry because of hurt, but in one heck of a prayer session one day I realised that He has other plans in store for me.Because of His goodness, I discovered a gem of a world that I would have never discovered if I stayed in ministry.

 

 

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