Honestly? I had to distance myself from this blog for a couple of days. It was just to overwhelming!
I love to write. My writing has sort of become my ministry. I don’t specifically have so much wisdom to share,but I do share my life.
Since my last post, Stoffel and I will come home and sit at the computer and watch the stats of the day. Overwhelming. My husband said at one stage that there are pastors that dream to have so many people hear their message.
I had no idea, no idea at all, that so many people got hurt in the church. No idea.
I wish I can apologise to each of you while giving a hug, but it is not possible.
Then the emails came. I love people responding to my blog, but this one was the first where confrontation happened. I don’t mind. I know my heart and I know that all will be well, but still, it was just a reminder of the hurt that people have experienced and by me unknowingly opening the can of worms, was like adding oil to fire.
The question asked by so many in the mails were: “why do we get hurt in a place where we are supposed to feel safe?”
My answer: I don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.
So I stepped away from the blog for at least a week.
This afternoon I was on my favourite couch in the whole universe, watching the mountains and soaking up the sun. My soul was sad. Dear friends and loved ones went through a hectic week and my heart broke for them. All these emails were in my inbox and the world just seemed dark.
As I sat there I could discern that I, Linda, was still happy, but my soul mourned for the broken.
My husband , the hero, sensed my sadness and decided to make me a nice cup of coffee. For those who know Stoffel, will know that this man can make coffee.
Ever since I had TB and was on treatment, I started to cut sugar out of my diet. It was just to intense for me to digest during my treatment and sort of became a health thing afterwards. I am hectic on my health now, I exercise six times a week and follow a low carb diet. I really try to be as healthy as possible.
I took my first sip of my beloved cup of coffee and tasted sugar. I used to drink one teaspoon in my cup and I guess hubby sort of forgot about my no sugar rule.
Normally I will not drink it, but at that moment , it was like Papa God gave me a lollipop after a heavy cry session. It was comfort.
It reminded me of Daddy and His love.
In a world where success defined by the “they” became the measure stick, we fell into a trap of “performing” . We say to ourselves that happiness comes when you have a hubby/wife, successful career, 2.5 children and lovely house. We chase it, take pride in achieving it, judge others according to it and in the process lose ourselves in it.
Without realising, life became a very thin threat to balance on and everything must be controlled and measured. Then sugar enters our world and goes against all the “hard” work of having the perfect body and “I will show them” mantra.
Our relationship with God is similar. We have these invisible goals that we do not know where it comes from, but to be seen as a successful christian and as a leader in your community you need to meet them. Then His love enters our life and goes against all these goals.
Because His love sets free.
We were created to be loved. Our whole being was actually created to receive and respond to love. It is like a phone was created to phone. It is our purpose. When we lose that understanding of our identity, we start to perform and that is where the mess and heaviness comes in. We start to do something we were not created to do and when His love enters that performance world, we shut it out, because we became numb against our source.
But His love is like that sugar in my cup. It comforts. His love restores and His love brings joy.
I pray that this will be a week filled with love for you.