Where my faith is without borders.

2016.

Recently, while driving, to a family wedding, with David fast asleep on the backseat, my husband and I started to talk about this last year. There is absolutely no way for me to even start to speak about this year without tears streaming down my face. This one was deep. My husband and I do not recognise me at all after  this year. So much has changed and shaped in me, but one thing is for sure, I am walking free.

This year I faced a lie that was rooted in me for 32 years. Yes, I am 33, which means that this lie was part of my life from the beginning. Being a mom, I know that we want to protect our children { and loved ones } against all the schemes of the Enemy. The thing is, and this I learned the hard way: We can’t.

The lie that I believed from the beginning of my time, was that I am a victim. Not going to go into the details on why I believed this lie, but I remember one stormy night in my marriage this past year, where Stoffel looked at me and said: “You see, that is the thing, I can’t say these things to you without you thinking that you are the victim.”

Believing that you are a victim makes you selfish to the core. Yes, we can dolly it up by  saying things like: Go for your dreams only you can make them come true, believe in yourself because no one else will or be the light that you want to see in this world. All powerful sayings. All based on one concrete lie: It is you against the world.

You have to fight for yourself, you have to protect yourself, you , you, you… From the outside, it looks noble, but truthfully, it reeks of self-righteousness. Harsh  words? Harsh  reality.

The thing is believing this lie makes you an orphan in your thinking:

Here are just a couple of examples of the differences between the thinking of an orphan and that of a Son:

  • Image of God : Orphan – See God as a Master, a slave driver, far away. Son- See God as a loving Father.
  • Future :  Orphan – Fight for what you can get. Son- Sonship releases your inheritance.
  • Dependency : Orphan – Independent/ Self- reliant.  Son- Interdependent/Acknowledges needs.

The truth that I finally embraced this year is that God is God and I am not. 🙂 Obviously, Linda, yes, obviously, but how easily do we really trust God? It is easy to put out your faith for something big like a new car , or promotion, but I have come to realise that it is way more difficult as an orphan to believe God with my life.

To believe that He’s got this. I look at my boy and my heart wants to protect him against anything. Until one morning when Papa gave me a gentle nod and said : “I am God the Redeemer.” My son needs to make mistakes and learn to accept the embrace and guidance from His heavenly Papa.

The same with me. I needed to learn to live with faith without borders. To believe that as His daughter that He will provide, take care of me. This changed my prayer life,  no longer was it a rumbling on of what I need as if I needed to convince and remind God that He is a Good God. No, I trusted in His Goodness and accepted His Love. That is why I cry so often now in His presence. I have learned that He truly loves me.

I learned this year that my whole life is filled with His grace. I cannot move without His grace. I am absolutely nothing without His grace in my life. He upholds me, guides me, protects me. I have learned to say: Let’s trust Him. I have learned that even with really sad situations in my life that He comforts. I have learned that He does set free and He does liberate. I have learned to take responsibility for my actions. I have learned to manage my actions to live a life that will give honour to Him.

But at the same time, I started to get to know a God that mesmerises me. He is not a weak God, He is the God of justice and His word needs to be taken in a serious light. I listen to so many who doesn’t believe God, talking about Him and I shudder. I want to warn them: This is not a God that you want to challenge in your pride.

One specific Sunday after the pastor spoke about God pruning us, a lady walked up to me and said: “Surely God won’t do that! He won’t prune you so much that nothing is left of you?” I just looked at her with my history of this year in my mind. I was incredibly thankful for His pruning, it saved my life. My answer: ” Well, if all of you is bad for you, The Good Father will prune to make sure all the bad is dead and that only the good grow. ”

You see faith is the only place where you can meet this God. It takes the move of the impossible to bring about His kingdom in your life.So many of us think that we can control our lives, marriages, family relationships and businesses.But I have learned and I saw so many others learn it this year, we  ALL need His grace.

My prayer for 2017: Jesus, call me out on the waters, to find you in the Mystery. To live with faith without borders. I am not interested in doctrines, my soul found the One that Loves.

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