Fruit of an unsatisfied life

It is not often that you come to a place where you have to face facts: This life is just not turning out as you dreamed it to be. That hopeless feeling of just never catching a break, just never reaching that place in your business, just never being able to breathe and just be.

We have become a culture addicted to travel. Why? Because it helps us to escape. We have become wanderlusts.

Wanderlust is a strong desire for or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world.

All is good to go on holiday,but something seriously wrong if it is our means of escape from reality and responsibility.

I was THE wanderlust. Since a little child, I wanted to travel and explore. I am a number 7 on the Enneagram personality test. A 7 is scared that life will not be an adventure. So I chased adventure, whether it was to have a nice cup of coffee with my mac on my table, music in my ears and staring across the sea, or planning the next trip to somewhere.

I always say it is much easier to go and explore outside and than to sit still and look inside of yourself. When we minister we often ask people to talk to God about what we are ministering on, as soon as we ask them to be vulnerable and share, they start preaching. They tell us what they learned, not what they were feeling.

The first sign of living an unsatisfied life is not being able to be vulnerable.

What does it mean to be vulnerable? It means you open up the you that is the most difficult to defend. Scary right? Yet, we have become so accustomed to not share that one part of ourselves out of fear that we ourselves don’t even go there. Instead we wander and explore spiritually and physically, hoping that this experience will numb the numbness inside ourselves.

Second sign of an unsatisfied life and it goes hand in hand with being vulnerable is to be able to connect. Intimacy is starting to decline in this society due to us not being able to show ourselves. A great definition of intimacy is by Danny Silk: Into me you see. It is coming to that place where you show the true you to someone that you love and feel safe with and allowing that person to connect with you.

Third sign is anxiety. To me anxiety is a feeling of being out of control. It is that feeling of not being able to meet the standard. Yesterday I had to renew my license and part of the process is to do an eye test. I can see, I am a photographer,but still the word “test” made my hands sweat and I held my breath  as I did the test. Finally when the official said that I have past the test, I relaxed. You see, my brain registered that there is a standard that I need to fulfil and immediately I started to perform to reach that standard. {Look at me being vulnerable here}.

Being an anxious person means that you believe a lie that you are not enough. Or if you do show the true you, you are too much to handle. The key is here, you. You are not satisfied with yourself.

We have so many coping meganisms just to get through this life. Some smoke, drink lots of coffee or alcohol , do drugs, travel, exercise excessively, become spiritualists, even go to church often, all in the process to help us cope.

But here is the thing, we were not created to cope, we were created to thrive and rule and reign on this earth.

This is my story: I was very unsatisfied with myself. My father one day looked at me when I was just a teenager and said: Make peace with who you are. I tried. I took on so many persona’s just to be able to define myself. I became the traveller,the christian, the preacher, the prophet, the writer and the photographer.Later I became the wife and seven years later, the mother. With every journey I found a piece of me, but still there was a longing and a hardness in my heart that just did not settle.

I am married to one incredible man, who was on a similar journey earlier in his life and did find what he was looking for. One night, he asked me: What about this? And it hit me. I have been carrying a pain that happened so many years ago that I can’t even remember the details.. but when it happened, I started to believe that God doesn’t care about me. I looked into myself and saw the confusion and pain that this situation caused,and instead of hiding it again, I took it to the One who I believed have failed me.

And a wonderful thing happened. He cried. Pappa God cried over my pain. Not because He felt guilty that I had to experience it, no, because He never intended it to happen to me. He didn’t cause it to happen, yet it did and it defined my life. Finally, I came to Him for redemption. And I met an incredible,beautiful and loving Father.

I cannot describe what I have been going through since. I lost 12kg, I started running, I cook {miracle in itself}, I celebrate my two beautiful men and furballs, I started to have compassion on people. I stopped performing for work.Judgement stopped in my life and I started to thrive.

I found peace and became satisfied in this life!

When I dealt with that pain, my perspective changed. Previously I was focused on me and what I can get out of God, but now, I became a son of God. I see Him for who He is and fell in love all over again. My heart became that of a blessing and I want to celebrate and worship Him in all His glory. My trust was restored in Him and I can walk with my head held high, knowing that My Daddy got this.

Be blessed!


God and money..

I have started a new job this past Friday. As much as I liked working at the Guesthouse, the hours were just to difficult. After much prayer and chat with Hubby, I came to the conclusion that my priorities for this year will be completely undermined if I keep on working at the guesthouse.

I went for an interview that was advertised for one position at a business in town. I got a second interview and then a third. In the third interview the director of the company came clean. ” We already filled the other position. You would have never fit into that position, so we created a new position for you.” My jaw dropped. This was not planned, I just wanted a normal 8-5 job that will give me freedom to focus on my other two businesses and a project hubby and I started. They want me and created a position for me sounded very…. uhmm.. well, corporate. Meaning, I have to climb the corporate ladder? Not planned at all..

I have learned through the years to go with the flow. I keep on moving with my life till I loose my peace. How do I know I have lost my peace? It shows in my marriage. I become very dependent on Stoffel and very needy. Day two of working at the guesthouse I came home irritated and needy. Stoffel looked at me and said;” I bought the Hermanus Times, there are some jobs advertised. ” Very grown up of him! 🙂 Anyway, that is how I came to be in this newly created job. Back to the flow of things.

I am very creative,I have realized  that at Bethel. I started my own photography business and absolutely love it! I love the business side of things the most. (It requires huge amounts of creativity to run your own business.) But being in Hermanus, where having a degree is directly an indication of your income, made me think. Stoffel and I do not have a poverty mindset. We believe in leaving a financial legacy for our children. We were so blessed with both sets of our parents having the same approach to life which led to us having endless opportunities. But life is getting more expensive and we are trusting God for more ideas to be able to leave this legacy.

At Bethel our mindsets were radically touched by the mindsets of people in business. We have come to realize that the biggest set back that you can have in your finances is a survival mindset. It is that mindset of the one talent guy:”I am just going to protect what I have now, because of fear of what might happen if I do loose what I have now.” God is a God of abundance, there is more than enough, we just have to step out and play with this in mind. Let go of control regarding our finances and keeping everything tight in your own hands, trusting only yourself to be able to survive.

I have had numerous jobs offered to me in Hermanus. I have learned to ask why they want me? They normally answer and say because they can trust me not to steal from them. Then we speak about salaries. I name my price. They look shocked and offer a third of what I ask, just enough not to be taxed on it. I say: ” No ,thank you.” Sad thing is that because of desperate times they will find someone for that price and hours. But this person normally has a poverty mindset that will be tempted to steal from them. Being in this town for a year I see this cycle over and over. These businesses never thrives.

Then you do get the companies that believe in paying their people well and they are booming! What is the secret? Their mindsets. A prosperous mindset sees value in people and what they might add to the company. They will go at lengths to invest and together they all will reap the benefists. There will be creativity, life and energy in the team.

A poverty mindset will do exactly the opposite. ” Just do the job  I pay you to do.” That is exactly what they get: A person working for the company,no motivation, not being creative and just killing the long hours not adding value to the company. Soon this business will come to a sticky situation where the MD is the only one that have to think for the business and due to high pressure and stress can’t seem to think creative. A Poverty mindset believes that working hard will get results,they keep themselves busy with nitty gritties that does not add value and just keep them busy.

Where a prosperity mindsets works hard building legacy and to empower a community. Being creative, they set up a vision, systems and a flow and work accordingly. Because there is little stress involve due to innovative people all pulling their weight, they have enough time to expand their business, generating a bigger profit and investing more into their people.

A Poverty mindset trusts God for more money,whereas a Prosperous mindset trusts God for ideas and opportunities to leave a legacy, money not being the object of their faith.

Africa is the richest continent in this world, yet we have the highest poverty stats. I think it is time to change our mindsets. Where else to begin than in your business with the people that work for you. Let us start acting like the ten talent guy!